DOUBT IN THE TIMES OF A PANDEMIC

Doubting Thomas- Dr.  He Qi

We are living in a time, probably the most difficult in our modern history, since World war II.   It certainly is for me.  Life was almost too easy for most of us Americans.  We took so much for granted.  We were the “chosen people” so to speak, the ones who had it all.

Not only has much been taken away, that always was in our lives, especially for Catholics who lost the Eucharist for three months, but now we face an uncertainty that is most unsettling.  What will happen to us? And not only are we facing dreaded germs, but our country is splitting into pieces with civil unrest and many feel unprotected. Where do we go, what do we do?

We are faced with trials and tribulations that  question certain aspects of the Gospel message. But we must remember that even great saints have gone through periods of doubt in times of trouble, but they persevered in prayer.

At times, they felt that God had abandoned them, or even worse, that they couldn’t love Him. What gave them consolation was the certainty that in accepting what was being offered to them, they were taking part in the agony of Christ.

In our own lifetime the great St. Teresa of Calcutta experienced doubt most of her religious life- yet she carried on with the work she knew she was meant to do.

“If I ever become a saint, I will surely be one of "darkness." I will continually be absent from Heaven - to light the light of those in darkness on earth.”                                  

She came to understand that her life of darkness was a sharing in the sufferings of her people and in Jesus’ passion. Even Jesus on the Cross cried out : “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Mt.27:46)

“In that act of enduring courage, she is a saint for all who struggle, and question, and long for some redeeming certainty: a human being who wanted to be good, and to do good.  A woman who gave herself fully to the call of her spirit, keeping the faith despite her doubt - casting a light for others, from the dark night of her own soul.” Cate Terwilliger  in her Blog “Meditatio Ephemera”

It is no different for us today.  I just had an email from a young seminarian who is soon to be ordained.  He was lamenting  that his area churches are limiting the number of people for celebrations and  asked why he would be ordained at this time, when so many would not be allowed to come for his special day.  I reminded him that for here and now he was being  specially asked to carry the cross of Christ for so many in the Church and in a way it is a great time to prepare for his future work as missionary.

Another saint and a favorite here is St. Theresa of Lisiuex (The Little Flower) who suffered from tremendous anxiety and doubt. This little Saint used the issues she struggled with as a means to connecting in a deeper and more profound way to Jesus.  For those still in social isolation, she is a good saint to turn to, for she so well understood this way of suffering.

St. Padre Pio is said to be the Patron Saint of Stress Relief, which is something we all need in these times. He is known for saying, "Pray, hope, and don't worry".

The path to holiness is a rough one, many times lacking signs to reassure us of our direction, but  we must have the faith to know our Lord is with us on our journey, helping us every step of the way. I am reminded of several people close to us who have recently done the El Camino de Santiago  (Spain) - some even  non- Catholics.  Every day was a new adventure, some filled with pain, other days with welcomed joy. But each day approached with a wonder of what will happen and the uncertainty of reaching the end.