EVEN SAINTS DOUBT

Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.
                                      - Mother Teresa 1979


How do we seek God when we are in the midst of a crisis? Every one of us will face some crisis in our lifetime and these will be the times when our faith is tested. To follow Jesus means we will have to bear the cross, which involves suffering and doubt.

It is in these times that God calls us to seek Him. Daily prayer should be a part of our life, and in these crisis moments, our prayers should be intensified.  Faith is not having the answers to why we are suffering.  Just because the sun did not come up this morning due to heavy fogs, does not mean it is not there. While we may not have insights into the why, things may become clear to us later. Sometimes a crisis now, may prove to be the gift we enjoy later.

Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta is a great example to us of one who suffered doubt during her lifetime. Her letters show us another side of her life. The fact that she was able to continue her work during such torment is a sign of her deep faith.

Maqbool  Fida Husain - India

“I call, I cling, I want, and there is no one to answer, no, no one. Alone. Where is my faith? even deep down right in there is nothing. I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart.”

Often in times of crises we don't  know what to ask for.  We feel like asking for a miracle, but doubt even our capacity for this.  Our own limitations stop us in our tracks and threaten to take away our peace and hope. Such crises can  lead to despair, or can  lead us to humility and a deeper gratitude for God's love. In our helplessness, we can experience our need for Christ.

Remember on the cross, even Jesus asked: ‘My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?’”

One of my God-daughters has been diagnosed with two masses in her brain. One is on the brain stem, which may have been there for decades. The doctors are not worried about this, but rather the second mass in the cerebellum. A tumor in the brain can paralyze us with fear, as it has Amie.  The weeks of waiting for further tests and surgeons decisions can be a time of panic and depression, or a time of blessings.

Monastery Winter Road

Early on in this whole "mess" Amie said to me:  I would go to Lourdes and not pray for a miracle but for faith".  Fear of the unknown is natural, but it can be transformed by faith and a turning to God to beg for help. Our fear can give way to an inner peace and trust in the God who loves us. Amie is 33 and is not sure what lies ahead of her.  We pray that whatever her cross is, she will have the faith to endure, remembering:  I am with you always!